What is a ~ Successful~GSA relationship ?

lostsister · 02-01-2010, 07:42 PM

Dearly Beloveds,

I think this deserves debate and conjecture ....

We use the phrase, but what does this really mean....???

diamondbabysis · 02-01-2010, 09:26 PM

To me it should not be considered "GSA relationship". There should be no labeling. It should be 2 people in love, who have chosen to be together. It should not matter if relative, not relative; same sex; Everyone should be allowed to chose whom they want to be with. (Legal age of course) And we would not need support groups!!! LOL

BUT then I woke up......

And yes Cap I hate GSA too!!!!

Satan 's Sister · 02-01-2010, 09:52 PM

Being able to have a permanent, mutually-fulfilling relationship with a GA/GSA relative without losing self-respect, family, or sanity

WorriedDad · 02-02-2010, 08:18 AM

I have wondered a lot about this. It appears to me that even when the GSA couple is successful in making the relationship work, they still have to live a "Secret" life. I would imagine that the stress must be fairly high and you always have to be careful what you say to who. I would love for osiris and others currently involved to post how they cope with these challenges. I recently PMd with a member who had just gotten out of a 13 year relationship with their half sibling because the pressures of the secret life got to be too much to handle. The fallout after one of these relationships end is something I haven't seen much written about on here. Can anyone share their story on how/why their relationship ended and how do you deal with your ex now?

JJstruggle · 02-02-2010, 04:22 PM

I have personally went through leaving my relatonship with my h/b three times now. It is terrible! You have a choice to make and it is a heart wrenching one, either have your sibling in a romantic way and live in secrecy and fear of the wrong person finding out, or leave the relationship and lose your brother (in my case) forever! I still struggle with this delima. The thought of losing him when we have become so very close is worse than any other break up you can imagine. I looked for them for so long, to lose him is so very difficult. I know that we will always have a strained relationship if we stay together, but how do you go seperate ways? I want a normal life where I don't have to worry about people talking about me anymore, it gets very old.
I have been with my h/b for 2 1/2 years, but we have seperated a few times because I struggle with wanting that normalcy back. I have dated other people, one of those people got so mad at me that they put my name on a loocal internet forum for everyone to see saying that I was in an incestuous relationship with my brother and even put on there where I work! It was devastating. I feel like I will never be able to fix my life since GSA. I don't know what a successful GSA relationship is, but really in my experience anyway you go, it is a no win situation and it never seems to end!
Right now I am half hanging on and half letting go of my relationship with my h/b don't really know what to do anymore. I'm tired of fighting the fight to be with him, but I still love him oh so much! I wish there was a way to just go back and fight those urges in the beginning so I could have kept my brother!
My family will never treat me the same either, they treat me like I am crazy and I have become someone they don't know! Very hard.
So, what is success? We lived together, we loved each other with a love that can't be described, we had an amazingly happy life together. If that is success, we had it. But not without a cost and the sometimes that cost feels too high. But leaving also comes with a cost that seems pretty unfair too! So, maybe there really isn't true "success" in these situations.
Just my thoughts,
JJ

Reflections · 02-02-2010, 06:43 PM

Hello... I am new to this forum.

I have debated the "secret life" concept with my brother whom I have had a long-standing love affair with for over almost 15 years. I have run from my feelings, and I even ended up marrying someone else to escape what I felt. The feelings then cannibalized my marriage and it ended in a messy divorce with me projecting my frustrations and blaming my husband for real and imagined things.
My brother has tried convincing me to live together in secret, and while we are now living and working in a foreign country and not around family members, I still cannot come to terms with the idea of a full blown "secret life together".
Unfortunately we are both public figures (and recognizable in certain circles) so the idea of living our lives together in a semi-open way is just not possible without risking a very embarassing public 'outing'. And I feel like I have been sneaking around for too long now... dodging rumours and gossip... lying and making excuses... It's hard to imagine that these things can sincerely work out for couples without involving an unimaginable amount of stress...
Not that there isn't stress with whatever path one chooses in the end... *sigh*

Has anyone ever dealt with a public 'outing' of a relationship? (ie. more than just a few people)

osiris · 02-06-2010, 03:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WorriedDad

I have wondered a lot about this. It appears to me that even when the GSA couple is successful in making the relationship work, they still have to live a "Secret" life. I would imagine that the stress must be fairly high and you always have to be careful what you say to who. I would love for osiris and others currently involved to post how they cope with these challenges.

I've addressed this a bit on other threads, but mainly downplayed the negatives. But yeah, I'll admit it's a bit of a pain in the butt, having to keep such a big part of your life a secret from your family, friends and neighbors.

It's a bit tiresome, when people come over, to have to stay in character: her playing the role of bratty little sister, and me playing the know-it-all big brother. It seems to convince people, but we don't enjoy it much. Then if they stay over, having to sleep in our separate little beds is another downer.

It's a bit awkward, certainly, when you have just spent all afternoon in bed with your lover, and then your mother calls and asks, "so what have you two been up to today?"

It's a bit tricky remembering who knows you as what: are you "brother and sister" to these people, or are you "roommates", or are you "partners"? Think fast, because the wrong word is going to open up a whole can of worms.

It's a bit awkward, sometimes, when one of you is invited by a group of friends to a social event to which it would be appropriate to bring a boyfriend or girlfriend, but perhaps not an older brother or younger sister.

It's a bit maddening when you have to keep giving fake explanations to people as to why you aren't dating anyone, or thinking about getting married, or wanting to have children (more so for her than for me).

I'm sure that gays and lesbians had to go through many of the same contortions before it became more acceptable to be gay, and I'm sure that many who haven't come out of the closet still do have to live a big fat lie.

It is the triumph of our society and our generation, that so many gays and lesbians no longer have to do so: that they can live as lovers, proudly and openly, without fear of societal or legal penalty.

It would be nice to have at least as many rights in this Land of the Free as homosexuals do. Hell, what would really make us happy is to have the same rights as the mentally ill, the mentally retarded, and convicted felons do: to be able to love the person one has chosen, to get married, and to have children. Those three groups are considered to have an inalienable right to do these things, but we don't. Not right now, anyway.

In the meantime, I suppose we'll just continue putting on the old brother-sister act in public, continue making up explanations to our family and friends for our bachelor/spinster lifestyle, and continue keeping that extra little bedroom ready, in case company comes over.

Now, as to Lost Sister's original question, "what is a successful GSA relationship?"

The answer is that it's the same as any successful relationship: the maximum amount of good memories, laughter and pleasure, with a minimum of tears, hurt feelings and pain. Along with mutual understanding and respect that grows a little more each day.

The only difference is that in most other relationships, one needn't worry so much about getting caught, publicly exposed and prosecuted for your choice of romantic partners.

lostsister · 02-07-2010, 02:41 AM

POSTED to you ON 19 09 2009

http://www.geneticsexualattraction.c...=9965#post9965

Quote:

Originally Posted by lostsister

WHen two decide to become one
it MUST be with total and entire dedication ,
having speculated,
contemplated,
understood and dissected all the possible obstacles that may lie on the path ahead,
and then committing to facing them
~ together ~
come what may...
Here..
on an internal level..
GSA is non different to any other conjugal relationship.

LOVE
LoST
SiSter

osiris · 02-07-2010, 09:05 PM

Of course.

We both knew what we were getting into from the start. Both knew that we'd be facing plenty of obstacles both externally (from society and the law) and internally (confusion, doubt, jealousy), but you know what? It's all been worth it.

As I said in the post you quoted, "this is a path that once taken, cannot be untaken," and that's fine with me. I wouldn't choose a different path now, even if I could. Not even, as my good friend Diogenes (I wonder where he is) once put it, "for every scrap of validation the world has to offer."

Gretch · 05-22-2010, 06:12 AM

This is a complex question. Whilst it would seem that there would be a simple answer, alas there is not.
In a world where maintaining a successful, long-term, relationship is difficult at the best of times, throwing GSA into the mix makes things even more difficult and highly complicated.
In an ideal world, only two primary rules would need apply, and they are: 1) Everyone involved is of legal age and 2) Everyone involved consents to what goes on. In this situation, a GSA couple could live together as a fully functioning and loving couple without fear of retribution and hatred.
Unfortunately, we do not live in this ideal world and the ramifications can be, and indeed are, large and potentially catastrophic. There are many variables which need to be looked at and indeed addressed, not just within ourselves but within society itself. There is a huge number of non-GSA who view this topic with hatred and disgust. They just wish to eradicate those who are involved in GSA so that their lives are simple and comfortable. This happens in several ways: Legally, GSA people can be arrested, charged and sent to prison.
Hostility, GSA people can suffer harassment, malice and all manner of vile and hurtful actions from those who choose to judge us without trying to understand what is going on.
Ostracization. GSA people can be cut-off from those that should/would be close to them and leave them isolated, alone and vulnerable.
These are just some of the potential ramifications and outcomes that can happen as a result of a GSA partnership. But, with each of these “solutions” (many see these as correct solutions to GSA) they clearly mis-understand the very nature of GSA! They see it as a matter of choice and self –control! Whilst this in part may be true, it is so much more complicated and not in the least black & white as many believe.
This is why proper research needs to be done on GSA and some form of compromise and structure put in place. GSA and its effects needs to be understood objectively. In time there will be more siblings who grow-up apart and in turn more cases of GSA happening. The fear of retribution needs to be eradicated. Once that is done then GSA can properly be looked at and dealt with.
We are living in an interesting time, at the moment, as GSA awareness, whilst in its infancy is slowly beginning to blossom and some attitudes are beginning to change. Documentaries and articles are slowly being injected into the mainstream and each of these are dealt with compassionately and with sensitivity. But these are still early days and more needs to be done so the suffering is eased and eventually eradicated.

Gretch

02-01-2010, 07:42 PM	#1
lostsister Super Moderator Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Australia Posts: 336	What is a ~ Successful~GSA relationship ? Dearly Beloveds, I think this deserves debate and conjecture .... We use the phrase, but what does this really mean....??? __________________ ~ L o V e is its own R E W A R D ~ Last edited by lostsister : 02-01-2010 at 07:54 PM.

02-01-2010, 09:52 PM	#3
Satan 's Sister Member Join Date: Mar 2009 Posts: 34	Success= Being able to have a permanent, mutually-fulfilling relationship with a GA/GSA relative without losing self-respect, family, or sanity Last edited by Satan 's Sister : 03-15-2010 at 10:07 PM.

02-02-2010, 08:18 AM	#4
WorriedDad Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Posts: 194	I have wondered a lot about this. It appears to me that even when the GSA couple is successful in making the relationship work, they still have to live a "Secret" life. I would imagine that the stress must be fairly high and you always have to be careful what you say to who. I would love for osiris and others currently involved to post how they cope with these challenges. I recently PMd with a member who had just gotten out of a 13 year relationship with their half sibling because the pressures of the secret life got to be too much to handle. The fallout after one of these relationships end is something I haven't seen much written about on here. Can anyone share their story on how/why their relationship ended and how do you deal with your ex now? __________________ It sucks riding the border of sane/nuts, you're never sure which side of the fence you are on.

02-07-2010, 09:05 PM	#9
osiris Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2007 Posts: 178	I certainly would... and do! Of course. We both knew what we were getting into from the start. Both knew that we'd be facing plenty of obstacles both externally (from society and the law) and internally (confusion, doubt, jealousy), but you know what? It's all been worth it. As I said in the post you quoted, "this is a path that once taken, cannot be untaken," and that's fine with me. I wouldn't choose a different path now, even if I could. Not even, as my good friend Diogenes (I wonder where he is) once put it, "for every scrap of validation the world has to offer." __________________ Osiris had been torn to pieces, but Isis his sister and lover crossed the ocean, put him back together, and brought him back to life.

05-22-2010, 06:12 AM	#10
Gretch Member Join Date: May 2010 Location: UK Posts: 48	This is a complex question. Whilst it would seem that there would be a simple answer, alas there is not. In a world where maintaining a successful, long-term, relationship is difficult at the best of times, throwing GSA into the mix makes things even more difficult and highly complicated. In an ideal world, only two primary rules would need apply, and they are: 1) Everyone involved is of legal age and 2) Everyone involved consents to what goes on. In this situation, a GSA couple could live together as a fully functioning and loving couple without fear of retribution and hatred. Unfortunately, we do not live in this ideal world and the ramifications can be, and indeed are, large and potentially catastrophic. There are many variables which need to be looked at and indeed addressed, not just within ourselves but within society itself. There is a huge number of non-GSA who view this topic with hatred and disgust. They just wish to eradicate those who are involved in GSA so that their lives are simple and comfortable. This happens in several ways: Legally, GSA people can be arrested, charged and sent to prison. Hostility, GSA people can suffer harassment, malice and all manner of vile and hurtful actions from those who choose to judge us without trying to understand what is going on. Ostracization. GSA people can be cut-off from those that should/would be close to them and leave them isolated, alone and vulnerable. These are just some of the potential ramifications and outcomes that can happen as a result of a GSA partnership. But, with each of these “solutions” (many see these as correct solutions to GSA) they clearly mis-understand the very nature of GSA! They see it as a matter of choice and self –control! Whilst this in part may be true, it is so much more complicated and not in the least black & white as many believe. This is why proper research needs to be done on GSA and some form of compromise and structure put in place. GSA and its effects needs to be understood objectively. In time there will be more siblings who grow-up apart and in turn more cases of GSA happening. The fear of retribution needs to be eradicated. Once that is done then GSA can properly be looked at and dealt with. We are living in an interesting time, at the moment, as GSA awareness, whilst in its infancy is slowly beginning to blossom and some attitudes are beginning to change. Documentaries and articles are slowly being injected into the mainstream and each of these are dealt with compassionately and with sensitivity. But these are still early days and more needs to be done so the suffering is eased and eventually eradicated. Gretch __________________ "You will find that many of the truths we cling to depend greatly on our point of view." Star Wars Ep6: Return of the Jedi "Sometimes the best you can hope for is to do a little good!" The Man Who Sued God

02-01-2010, 09:26 PM	#2
diamondbabysis Member Join Date: Feb 2006 Posts: 35	To me it should not be considered "GSA relationship". There should be no labeling. It should be 2 people in love, who have chosen to be together. It should not matter if relative, not relative; same sex; Everyone should be allowed to chose whom they want to be with. (Legal age of course) And we would not need support groups!!! LOL BUT then I woke up...... And yes Cap I hate GSA too!!!!

02-02-2010, 04:22 PM	#5
JJstruggle Member Join Date: Jul 2008 Posts: 53	I have personally went through leaving my relatonship with my h/b three times now. It is terrible! You have a choice to make and it is a heart wrenching one, either have your sibling in a romantic way and live in secrecy and fear of the wrong person finding out, or leave the relationship and lose your brother (in my case) forever! I still struggle with this delima. The thought of losing him when we have become so very close is worse than any other break up you can imagine. I looked for them for so long, to lose him is so very difficult. I know that we will always have a strained relationship if we stay together, but how do you go seperate ways? I want a normal life where I don't have to worry about people talking about me anymore, it gets very old. I have been with my h/b for 2 1/2 years, but we have seperated a few times because I struggle with wanting that normalcy back. I have dated other people, one of those people got so mad at me that they put my name on a loocal internet forum for everyone to see saying that I was in an incestuous relationship with my brother and even put on there where I work! It was devastating. I feel like I will never be able to fix my life since GSA. I don't know what a successful GSA relationship is, but really in my experience anyway you go, it is a no win situation and it never seems to end! Right now I am half hanging on and half letting go of my relationship with my h/b don't really know what to do anymore. I'm tired of fighting the fight to be with him, but I still love him oh so much! I wish there was a way to just go back and fight those urges in the beginning so I could have kept my brother! My family will never treat me the same either, they treat me like I am crazy and I have become someone they don't know! Very hard. So, what is success? We lived together, we loved each other with a love that can't be described, we had an amazingly happy life together. If that is success, we had it. But not without a cost and the sometimes that cost feels too high. But leaving also comes with a cost that seems pretty unfair too! So, maybe there really isn't true "success" in these situations. Just my thoughts, JJ

02-02-2010, 06:43 PM	#6
Reflections Junior Member Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Currently: Michigan Posts: 2	Hello... I am new to this forum. I have debated the "secret life" concept with my brother whom I have had a long-standing love affair with for over almost 15 years. I have run from my feelings, and I even ended up marrying someone else to escape what I felt. The feelings then cannibalized my marriage and it ended in a messy divorce with me projecting my frustrations and blaming my husband for real and imagined things. My brother has tried convincing me to live together in secret, and while we are now living and working in a foreign country and not around family members, I still cannot come to terms with the idea of a full blown "secret life together". Unfortunately we are both public figures (and recognizable in certain circles) so the idea of living our lives together in a semi-open way is just not possible without risking a very embarassing public 'outing'. And I feel like I have been sneaking around for too long now... dodging rumours and gossip... lying and making excuses... It's hard to imagine that these things can sincerely work out for couples without involving an unimaginable amount of stress... Not that there isn't stress with whatever path one chooses in the end... sigh Has anyone ever dealt with a public 'outing' of a relationship? (ie. more than just a few people)

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